I only have time to answer one of your questions at the moment…
Here is a brief list of multiplayer backends that have been used by various members of the Defold community in the past:
Lua:
JavaScript / TypeScript:
JavaScript:
Not a multiplayer backend, but moreso for general networking in Lua:
Between these solutions for your use-case, I recommend Nakama. If not, then my next pick would be Colyseus.
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