3/15/2020
This post will likely be more solemn than others I have done before, but I wish to share my experience to teach something to anyone willing to listen and learn.
The death of passion
Over the past 2 years some of the most amazing things have happened to me. I started work on my first real video game project (Chemaria), I graduated college, I got a job in Silicon Valley, and I got married to the love of my life. My wife loves my passion for programming and my obsession with gaming in general. Defold is an important part in our lives, as mentioned in the first post of the dev log, I proposed to my wife with a small runner made in Defold.
I was passionate about Chemaria, believing I could make a Terraria-like I would actually want to play. Over time, it has gotten harder and harder for me to work on it. I would get distracted by other projects, whether that be another game, a game engine, an extensible TCP game server, or contracted work making a website from scratch. For a while, I felt guilty that I wasnāt working on Chemaria. I would have short bursts of productivity, but I realized I was feeling more and more like I was going through the motions. I wasnāt ātastingā Chemaria as I made it, the way a chef will taste their dish as they season it. I think I didnāt ātasteā Chemaria because I didnāt want to, I was scared to. I was scared to realize I cared for it no longer.
Compromise
At the beginning of this year, I told myself I would get Chemaria to a releasable state so I could be done with it. As mentioned before, my passion was waning and that could be seen in this goal I made for myself.
I wanted to release it. I wanted it off my docket of things to do.
I didnāt want to make it good. I wanted to make it done enough.
This compromise would instead turn into the death of Chemaria, but I believe it now to be a necessary one.
Lessons Learned
In letting a previous passion die, I had to look at this experience and take some kind of value from it.
In reality, without Chemaria I would not be as passionate about game design and development as I am now.
I started Chemaria as an immature starry-eyed college student who basically believed anything could be fun if enoug effort is put into it. I started listening to game design podcasts (Game Design Round Table is a lovely one), speaking with other friends passionate aout games about the different aspects of design and what makes a game fun.
In learning more about the art of making games, I learned more about why I shouldnāt force myself to finish Chemaria.
Chemaria taught me much technically:
- How can perlin noise be used to generate seemingly random natural worlds?
- How can a world made up of tons of small parts be easily managed?
- How do you implement parallax?
- Why canāt 2D collision with tons of tiny contiguous blocks not just work? (The Platypus extension simplified a lot of this, but in the end, even the extension itself makes some assumptions which make various odd small āquirksā to occur when performing actions like removing a block you are currently standing on)
- Many many many other things.
This experience and these lessons will stick with me forever and have already greatly informed much of my work beyond Chemaria and has continued to reveal a world to me that I never could have imagined. A world where people can take their ideas and dreams and make them into these works of digital art, into games.
What about Defold itself?
If you are enjoying Defold for whatever you are doing, absolutely stick with it. Whatever shortcomings the engine may have will likely be made up for by the insane quality of the community. If you find yourself like me though, losing passion for a project and just wanting to āget it released and get it doneā, take a step back and challenge yourself. Why are you creating? Why are you making what you are making? Part of being a great creator and artist is realizing when something is not worth the time and effort. Cut your losses, learn what you can, and move on to the next great thing.
Defoldās community has been such an amazing and unique blessing. I would like to give special thanks to @britzl for his interest in the project and general interest in helping anyone and everyone on this forum realize their goals.
I am going to miss Chemaria only for the fact that it was the main link I had to this community.
I donāt believe this is totally a final goodbye though. I will likely be back at some point with smaller ideas for smaller mobile projects: something I believe Defold excels at. This is more of a goodbye to Chemaria.
P.S. Final asset updateā¦for now
I have updated all of the gameās non-UI assets since the last devlog update. Feel free to check out the latest master branch for these changes!