So I did manage to cobble together a really rather insane workaround for this.
Apparently the issue is that the version of a file, “C:\Defold\plugins\org.eclipse.osgi_3.8.2.v20130124-134944\org\eclipse\osgi\framework\internal\core\osname.aliases” on my system, is an old version which doesn’t list aliases for 2012 R2, and so my OS is not identified as a win32 platform.
I did the following procedure:
a. Changed org.eclipse.osgi_3.8.2.v20130124-134944.jar to a .zip file and extracted it
b. Opened the file above and added entries for Windows 2012 R2, similar to the existing 2008 R2 entry.
c. Used powershell insanity to calculate the SHA1 hash in base64:
$wtf = Get-FileHash "C:\Defold\plugins\org.eclipse.osgi_3.8.2.v20130124-134944\org\eclipse\osgi\framework\internal\core\osname.aliases" -Algorithm SHA1 | Select-Object -ExpandProperty Hash | Select-Object @{Name="Value";Expression={,@($_ -split '([a-f0-9]{2})')}} | select -ExpandProperty Value | ? {$_} | select @{Name="Value";Expression={[convert]::ToByte($_,16)}} | select -ExpandProperty Value
[convert]::ToBase64String($wtf)
d. Updated “C:\Defold\plugins\org.eclipse.osgi_3.8.2.v20130124-134944\META-INF\MANIFEST.MF” so the entry for the osname.aliases file matches the hash.
e. Removed the ECLIPSE.SF and ECLIPSE.RSA files from that directory, essentially removing the signature eclipse put in place to help ppl verify they have whatever eclipse says they have, since it doesn’t work anymore.
f. zipped it all back up and renamed it to jar and replaced the existing jar file.
This is what put me on this path: https://bugs.eclipse.org/bugs/show_bug.cgi?id=281075
This is eclipse folks adding Windows Server 2015 to that file - this project is including one that is several changes older, I guess. https://git.eclipse.org/r/#/c/46069/1/bundles/org.eclipse.osgi/container/src/org/eclipse/osgi/internal/framework/osname.aliases
Rather proud of myself, tbh used Java once or twice back in the 90s but not since.